haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
