Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
