I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
