I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
