he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
