Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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