Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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