Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
