and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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