I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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