Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
