the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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