I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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