come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
