you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
