just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
