he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
