I didn't shave. On purpose
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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