so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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