sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
