Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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