I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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