I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
