If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
