Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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