yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
