got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
