what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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