Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
