Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
