i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
