I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
operation harelip BJ is a go
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
