Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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