mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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