New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
