Do vagina's smell?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
