Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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