no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
True strength comes from lack of pants
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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