Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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