How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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