tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There r osticjed everywhere
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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