"it" just moved
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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