Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
