Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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