My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
