dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
