so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
