thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
