If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
