HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
