Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
