Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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