dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she told me i tasted like america
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
